it can get me in the feels!
This past weekend I had an adventure. I was with a bunch of welders at a big convention and one of them asked me, “How do you help your kids who are in their 20s?”
Being a mom can feel high stakes when my kids are struggling or asking for help… it can get me in the feels!
I support them and myself in 4 Steps.
- Be present and notice what’s going on. Sometimes I realize I’m freaking out inside or I have some reaction that’s not even about them. Be present and recognize what’s going on and support yourself. For me, sometimes I have to say to myself, “Okay, right now, at this moment, it’s not about me, it’s about supporting this other person. I know I’ll step away later and address what I’m dealing with, but right now, my focus gets to go outward to what they need.” Once I pause my own issues I can really be present to what’s going on for them.
- Get curious in order to understand their problem as they experience it. I ask open questions like, “Why are you freaked out? What’s going on for you? What’s stressful about this?”
- Offer support. I ask, “Hey, how can I support you?” Sometimes support looks like listening. Sometimes I go further and ask, “Is this a listening conversation or an ‘I’d like some ideas’ conversation?” They get to be in the driver’s seat as the decision maker and I’m letting them guide it.
- Identify the next step. Ask, “What is the next step? How can you move forward with an incremental win, to start your way down that path.” We can get into a state of complete overwhelm because we’re five or 10 steps down the road rather than thinking about today and this moment’s choice.
Whether you’re parenting kids of any age, you’re being a great friend, or even being a friend to yourself, these 4 Steps can unlock decision opportunities and purpose for you. Reach out if you have any questions.
Warm regards,
Decision Coach